WINTER WISH LIST

First off, this isn’t really a Christmas wish list. I can’t bear the orgy of consumerism which has come to define this time of year, and I find the whole gifting rigmarole rather distasteful, but I do like making lists of nice things. And since everyone else is at it, for seasonal purposes, I thought I would get involved too – in a strictly anti-festive, misanthropic way of course.

Above: Givenchy gloves. I like black leather which has been treated so it has a matte finish. Shiny leather tends to give me the creeps, other than on shoes.

This Rick Owens wallet continues the matte leather theme. The same retailer has a Rick Owens Home leather bin, so you can throw away all of your unwanted gifts in style.

Raf Simons high-tops. I've got these in white, black and silver from a couple of years ago, but a subdued pair would be nice too.

Atollo table lamp by Vico Magistretti. I love this 1977 design classic.

Textured knits from Gap. I really like Gap knits. It's a shame their online product photography is so bad. Still, it beats going into the shops and dodging all the grown men still buying those dismal G-A-P logo hoodies which were all the rage when I was 12..

The Hussein Chalayan book, published by Rizzoli. I really admire Hussein Chalayan's work. This book is cheaper and more practical than a table skirt.

Hermès cashmere blanket. I know exactly what would happen if I got one of these, which is to say that our cat would immediately take up residence on it before deciding it would be the ideal place to cough up a fur ball (a fate which befell a different blanket we have), but I want one nonetheless

Customised black Rolex watch. Don’t judge. Norman Foster has one, OK.

Lanvin trousers. The only things I wear on my legs are slim black trousers or jeans. I like the zips on the bottom of these.

Glass water bottle with purifying charcoal by Sort of Coal. Beautiful, simple design, and healthy to boot.

Sansovino 6 contrast knit. I don't know much about this Italian brand, but I really like this piece.

Alvar Aalto vases are a particular favourite of mine, and a topic which I can talk about at length. Relatives beware! You don't have a monopoly on the boring chat...

Neil Barrett high tops. Heaven only knows what 90% of the Neil Barrett collection is about, but I'm a big fan of these.

Maison Martin Margiela 'trucker' cardigan. Every season the Maison produces a variation of this knit, which is based on truck driver attire. Wir fahr'n fahr'n fahr'n auf der Autobahn.

Common Projects tote bag. OMG LOL YOU GUYS the co-founder of Common Projects is called Mr Poopat. That aside, this canvas and leather shopper is just perfect.


Things you will not find on my wish list, which all happen to begin with C:


Candles – So I can light a few, fill the bath with bubbles, whack on the whale sounds CD, and indulge in a prolonged bout of ‘me time’? I think not.

Chocolates – Doc says my cholesterol is high. Better take a lesson from Karl Lagerfeld, who controls his cravings by washing a small amount of Nutella around his mouth with water.

Charity – Because I’m a miserable bastard. Well, partly that – but in seriousness it shouldn’t take a special occasion to make you consider those less fortunate than you.

Children – Whether they’re rampaging up and down the aisle in first class, or screaming so as to put one off one’s amuse bouche in restaurants which are far too nice for them to appreciate anyway, the further away they are the better, whether it’s the holiday season or not. So there. Bah humbug.

Chickens – Still a trendy gift (when presented with an Eglu coop) among liberal, middle class types who fancy themselves as ‘urban farmers,’ although I can’t say animal husbandry has ever appealed to me.

Contraception – contrary to what a press release I received recently would have us believe, ‘designer condoms’ do not make the perfect present.